Three to the Printer

If you've been reading this blog, you will probably have a skewed view of me. I've been intensely busy with work for the last 2 months (since I started the blog, in fact). I've been working 6-7 days a week, 9-12 hours a day. All work and no play. I'm really not like that. Really.

It's not been good for me, and especially not for my friends. I've not been that much fun to be around. Both online, and offline. I've tried to keep my finger in things but I've failed. But all of that overworking is coming to an end today. I just uploaded the last of the 3 books that I've been working on to the printers. It's over. Oh, there are more books on the docket, but they aren't anywhere as crazy as these three.

I'm now kinda in shock. I'm fully expecting the mother of all colds. Having an heightened adrenaline level for so long can only mean an immune system crash is not far behind. I'm stocking up on vitamin C, just in case.

I have a completely free weekend ahead of me, and I'm not sure what to do with it. I'm thinking a nice long walk might be in order.

Regardless, a celebration of some sort will follow. And at the very least… we will have normality. I repeat we will have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.

You Work Too Much

So I just got tweeted by DeadRobot that I work too much and this is what I was going to say…

1) Work has been quiet and having all this work is good. I can't turn down a project that will bring in money to the company.
2) It's winter. I don't like being outside in winter.
3) I'm only going to be really busy until the 18th of February.
4) There is no one that I can pass this work off to.
5) I AM still seeing my friends.

All condensed down to a 140 character tweet.

But, the reality is… he's correct. I have been working a lot and I can come up with for excuses why that's a good thing left, right, and centre. His husband SharkBoy surreptitiously pointed it out last week when he casually suggested in a tweet that if I'm not being productive to go home. You know it's a bad sign when you need a tweet reminder to go home.

Though I still see my friends, I often leave early and I'm not fully present. I'm too busy thinking about all of the work I have to do. I see my best friends every week. At this point I think that they accept my excuses for sound logic and reasoning. I love them to bits, but sometimes the closer you are to a person the less likely you are to see their faults and I don't think they see mine. Or maybe they see them, and love me regardless.

I've now painted myself into a corner, and the paint is still wet so I can't leave. Well, I could leave but if I do it's just going to get messy. Very, very messy. I just have to remember not to paint myself into that corner again and listen to people when they tell me that's what I'm doing.

You would have thought that after doing this on and off for the last 15 years I would have learned this before now. Life's funny that way.

Always growing, always moving forward.

Thanks boys.

Moving Forward

I've been stuck for quite a while. No that's not quite correct. I haven't been stuck, I've been planning my next steps for a while.

I have a tendency to over analyze things. As a result I don't make moves that often. When I settle on something, it stays that way because the decision was a good, well thought out one. I've had my bicycle for 7 years. Had my TV for over 10 years. Had my microwave for over 20 years. I get very comfortable with the choices that I have made. With a TV that is not a problem. There are no hard feelings when the TV needs replacing.

As a result when it's time for something to change I tend to hold on to it for far too long. I've spent far more time in relationships that should have ended, than in relationships when they are good.

Now, throw in with that an avoidance of confrontation at all cost that I inherited that from my "bite-your-tongue-until-it-bleeds" mother. Confrontation is bad. Holding it in is better for everyone. And you have a recipe for disaster.

Today I failed my mother and took a step forward for me. I confronted. I released the stress for change my mind has craved for a while.

I've had the same job, working with (mostly) the same people for the last 20 years. Working in (generally) the same working conditions. Those conditions have not functioned for me for a very long time. They have really not worked for me for the last year. I have tried gentle prodding. I've tried sarcasm, humour and wit. All to no avail. Today I got broke down and went for confrontation.

I don't know what will come of it, but the first step has been made, and I'm moving forward. And that makes today a good day.

Days Off

Tomorrow is supposed to be my day off and what will I do?

I've never been good with day's off—especially in winter. I like days off. Relaxation is good. However, in order for me to truly relax I need to clear my plate. Relaxation happens for me with a clear plate and a clear mind.

My plate at the office never seems to be completely clear. Always deadlines. Always paperwork. Always something. Business in the publishing industry is a little slow. So if I take the day off, I'll be sitting at home thinking I should be doing something more productive than watching TV.

I watch enough TV. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy TV, but I watch enough. What else can I do? Go Shopping? I don't need anything. Go for a walk? To darn cold. Visit friends? It's the holidays and everyone is visited out. So when it come right down to it what I'd be doing on my day off is watching TV.

So, what will I do tomorrow? I'll sleep in, go for a good breakfast, go into the office and get a good days work done. I'll get 7 hours of work done in about 4 hours. No interruptions. No e-mails. No phone calls. No questions to answer. 

If it was summer. The decision would be different.