Think of this as a poorly timed Christmas letter. Of sorts. Or not. Whatever. I really couldn't think of a good opening line. So. Christmas Letter it is. Get off my lawn.
I started thinking about 2015 as a whole last weekend when I realized that I terminated my employment and that of all my staff on January 24th of 2015. For background see: What Do I Wanna Be When I Grow Up… I'll wait for you … continuing… So it's been a weird sort of year.
What I didn't understand was how much time and energy I spent on that business. How when it was gone I had something called "free-time". How I have no idea what to do in that free-time. How I spent 20 years working on something and then it was gone and I had nothing to put in its place. And it confused… no… confuses me. A lot.
I keep thinking about those 20 years and was it worth it? Would I do it again? … And like most everything in my life, I would probably do it again but not necessarily the same way. (Well. To be honest. I'm not sure that I will ever start my own business again. I'm really not.) I think what I accomplished was great. But If I did it again I would hope I could commit to something but not have it devour me. I have this habit of jumping in completely, regardless of all else and losing bits of me in the process. In work as in relationships. I'm nothing if not predictable. The key is knowing my formula. It's a complicated one and it involves the DSM. Moving on…
I like to believe that I learn. That I make mistakes and that I move on. But the reality is I can dwell in my mistakes a little more than I should. Of course, the other side of my brain will tell you "how will you learn if you don't dwell" and this is, of course, also true. (Are you getting what it's like to be stuck in my head?)
I really don't know what else to say on the matter. Other than I'm still working through it all. I'm still processing. And that I may never figure it all out and that would be OK too. It was a large portion of my life. It was 3 relationships all in the first 10 years of the company… and no relationships in the last 10 years of the company… hmmmm… oh gawd… Something else to think about.
It's been a weird time. It's been a confusing time. It was the best of times it was the blurst of times.
What else happened this year? Point form, I think…
- closed company
- emptied office.
- bought my first suit… didn't wear it for a job interview
- became a full-time freelancer
- started going out to a bar… and "socializing"
- walked… a lot
- important thing I've blocked out of my memory
- ate bacon… a lot
- family reunion (mother's side)
- Mexico… again
- important thing I've forgotten; using brain cells instead to remember 1980s advertising.
That's about it honestly. Doesn't seem like much when you point-form it. But there you go. …I'll post a slide show of all of this in another post. Probably. If I remember. Someone remind me in a week or so.