Moving Forward

I've been stuck for quite a while. No that's not quite correct. I haven't been stuck, I've been planning my next steps for a while.

I have a tendency to over analyze things. As a result I don't make moves that often. When I settle on something, it stays that way because the decision was a good, well thought out one. I've had my bicycle for 7 years. Had my TV for over 10 years. Had my microwave for over 20 years. I get very comfortable with the choices that I have made. With a TV that is not a problem. There are no hard feelings when the TV needs replacing.

As a result when it's time for something to change I tend to hold on to it for far too long. I've spent far more time in relationships that should have ended, than in relationships when they are good.

Now, throw in with that an avoidance of confrontation at all cost that I inherited that from my "bite-your-tongue-until-it-bleeds" mother. Confrontation is bad. Holding it in is better for everyone. And you have a recipe for disaster.

Today I failed my mother and took a step forward for me. I confronted. I released the stress for change my mind has craved for a while.

I've had the same job, working with (mostly) the same people for the last 20 years. Working in (generally) the same working conditions. Those conditions have not functioned for me for a very long time. They have really not worked for me for the last year. I have tried gentle prodding. I've tried sarcasm, humour and wit. All to no avail. Today I got broke down and went for confrontation.

I don't know what will come of it, but the first step has been made, and I'm moving forward. And that makes today a good day.