Big Man Japan

So, a man I've worked with for 25 years brought in a movie for me to watch. In the 25 years we've worked together he has never brought me a movie for me to watch. Not that I can actually remember that far back. His movie tastes and my movie tastes are two entirely different things. But looking at the cover, I kinda knew why he brought it in for me.

Big Man Japan is a bizzare science-fictiony Japan monster flick. It's a WTF kinda movie, but entirely worth the view.

If you like weird movies and don't mind subtitles the trailer pretty much tells it all.

Principled Principal

So I've been thinking about a post by Dead Robot (That Was Good) for a number of days now. Good writing does that to you. Go on and read it now and then come back. I'll wait.

Finished. Good. Then let me begin.

That story got me thinking about many things. About being terribly depressed in high school. About a family I was growing distant from (how could they not understand I was depressed?). And ultimately it got me thinking about the person that saved me.

That person was the first person that I told I was gay. He was a friend. He was a confidant. He was moral. He was fair. He was principled. He was the man I tried to model myself upon. And he is one of the three critical people that made the man you see before you today. He was also the principal of the high school I went to. And the day that I told him I was gay, was the day that he saved me.

The unbearable pain of being the only gay man in my small town, in the county, and possibly in the whole region was more than my barely teenage heart could take. I'd been severely depressed for almost a whole year. I was literally at a breaking point. And yes, I now completely understand that there were other gays and lesbians sitting in my classrooms with me, but at the time I did not.

One day the principal called me to his office. When most people get called to the principal's office it meant trouble but I revelled in being called into the principal's office. For me it meant that he needed me to do something (probably on the computer) and that I would get out of some boring class. Was it a new computer to figure out and teach him how to use? Was it a new piece of software? Didn't matter. It would be good.

So I went into his office and I don't know where it came from, but I blurted out "I'm gay."

He looked at me and said "That's O.K." He paused, he smiled assuredly, and then continued "Can you look at this computer program for me?"

The conversation continued as if I'd said nothing at all. At the time I was shocked at his non-response. It was only later that I finally put it all together. It didn't matter to him that I was gay. It was as trivial to him as saying "it's raining outside." Me being gay didn't change his view our relationship one tiny little bit.

And once I realized that it made many things better.

The Friday Office 2-Step

I listen to music at the office. It is kind of a must with me. If I couldn't listen to music while I work I'd keel over from boredom. Today the song that moved me to sing and dance in my office was not a dance song. It was not a disco ditty from days gone by. It was a classic country two-step.

I really don't listen to enough country and don't ask me the last time I danced to a two-step. I'm not sure I can remember how to. And I honestly don't think I could dance a two-step if the hottest man at the country barn dance asked me to. Not that I plan on going to a country barn dance anytime in the near future.

I really don't care the genre, if it's got a good beat, I'll dance around the office to it.

So today's dance song is Lorrie Morgan's Except for Monday. Enjoy.

Moving Forward

I've been stuck for quite a while. No that's not quite correct. I haven't been stuck, I've been planning my next steps for a while.

I have a tendency to over analyze things. As a result I don't make moves that often. When I settle on something, it stays that way because the decision was a good, well thought out one. I've had my bicycle for 7 years. Had my TV for over 10 years. Had my microwave for over 20 years. I get very comfortable with the choices that I have made. With a TV that is not a problem. There are no hard feelings when the TV needs replacing.

As a result when it's time for something to change I tend to hold on to it for far too long. I've spent far more time in relationships that should have ended, than in relationships when they are good.

Now, throw in with that an avoidance of confrontation at all cost that I inherited that from my "bite-your-tongue-until-it-bleeds" mother. Confrontation is bad. Holding it in is better for everyone. And you have a recipe for disaster.

Today I failed my mother and took a step forward for me. I confronted. I released the stress for change my mind has craved for a while.

I've had the same job, working with (mostly) the same people for the last 20 years. Working in (generally) the same working conditions. Those conditions have not functioned for me for a very long time. They have really not worked for me for the last year. I have tried gentle prodding. I've tried sarcasm, humour and wit. All to no avail. Today I got broke down and went for confrontation.

I don't know what will come of it, but the first step has been made, and I'm moving forward. And that makes today a good day.