What Do I Wanna Be When I Grow Up?

 The path to somewhere. I think. But where to? Also. I resisted a fork in the road picture. I would slap myself if I did that.

The path to somewhere. I think. But where to? Also. I resisted a fork in the road picture. I would slap myself if I did that.

Ah. There's a question.  A question that is, slowly but surely, eating my brain.

As you may or may not know (honestly do I look like I'm a mind reader?) I am currently unemployed. Well. I guess. Technically I'm under-employed but that's a topic for another day. After almost 30 years in the publishing industry and 22 years helping to build a company it all came to an end on January 22nd.

I am no longer receiving a paycheque.

The end wasn't traumatic. It wasn't painless either.  But when you remove all of the externals and the cruft it was simply this: employed one moment and unemployed the next. I had finally reached the end of the first road I traveled down as an adult. Well. And again technically. That road hasn't actually ended but I can't think of a better turn of phrase.

 The desk of emptiness.

The desk of emptiness.

I still haven't come to terms with things. Anything. I don't truly know what I'm feeling about the whole matter. Nor do I know where to start dealing with it let alone explaining it. There are so many story threads that weave together that to tell the whole tale is difficult. What I'm saying is this: I'm trying to figure out the last 30 years. 

For someone who has spent their life putting someone else's words on "paper", sorting out my own words is a challenge at the best of times. Not the least of which when I 'm trying to figure out my entire life up to this point in addition to what I wanna be when I grow up. I'm no story teller. At least I don't think I am. (Several friends opinions to the contrary.)

But. Let's be frank. (Hi, Frank. It's me. Frank.). If I don't start putting all of these thoughts into a t-chart, venn diagram, brain map, spreadsheet, or something* my brain may literally burst. And nobody wants that. It would probably be quite messy. Tom brain bits everywhere.

So sort it out I must. But this may take a while. So. If you're in a rush and don't want to wait for me (and given my blog writing track record who could blame you) here's the short version: great stuff happened, then things changed, and now there are a lot of possibilities, and I have no idea what I wanna do except continue doing what I've always done.

… and apologies if this post is more rambling than usual. Brain. Bursty-like …


* If you need a t-chart, venn diagram, brain map, spreadsheet, or something get in touch. I'm very good at creating these things. Especially the somethings. I'm especially good at the somethings!