Beast of Burden
/I had my last therapy session over a year ago.
There are many reasons why I stopped going…
1) it was too dang much money. There are many things in my life that I wanted to be spending $400 a month on. Tangible items. Things like new furniture and a new washer/drier (my old washer was only working because of duct tape and a chop stick)!
2) I never really liked his style. Having never been to a therapist before I had no idea what to expect. It worked for a while but I got tired of spending $100 to talk for 45 minutes. And although I think "Freudian slip" therapy works for some people, I just thought it was getting silly ("no there is no deeper meaning, I said the wrong word")
3) He could not find a regular space for me, and yet continually kept pressuring me to come twice a week. I kept telling him why I couldn't come twice a week and he kept pushing back. Reasons including: I don't have $800 a month, I can't function properly afterwards, I have a full time job. You know, flimsy excuses. He would simply not listen to me. (Sure he was probably trying to push some buttons, but come on … he began to sound more like a used car salesman.)
4) But, most importantly, I reached a plateau. After Slugging up a hill for 6 months I reached my first real epiphany. And on getting to this level I felt it was a good time to pause.
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Am I saying he was a bad therapist? Nope, he was a good one. Am I saying that I regret going to therapy? Not at all. Am I saying therapy is bad? Nope, I'll probably go back at some future point.
So, why then, why am I bringing this up a year later? Because after my stewing in the juices of my epiphany for such a long time I have come to several realizations, but I'm going to need professional help to get to the next level. I need someone to tell me if I'm crazy, just crazy, or crazy with probably cause. I think. It's honestly quite unknown, at this point, if i shall proceed. I'm reasonably certain I shall proceed but, let's be honest, getting at the root causes of one's behaviour can be a scary experience.
Brave heart, Thomas. Brave heart.
(Oh and more on the crypticness in a latter post.)