It's a new year and many months since I last posted. Sorry blog. I've ignored you.
I have so much that i've been meaning to say, I just don't seem to have the time to say it. Well. OK. So I have the time, I just haven't got around to it. I've settled into a routine. And the blog just doesn't seem to fit in.
I tend to get settled. Very easily. It seems to be the way that I operate. I am nothing if not consistent. Well. OK. Boring. It's not that I ever set out to be boring. It just sort of happened. I hate change. I hate when things change. I hate that things must change. I always accept the change. But I hope that it never changes again.
Life is nothing but change. Yet here I sit hoping that it won't. We are only four days into the new year and already things are changing all around me. Things that i have no control over. And things that I wish would go back to the way they were.
I've lived in this building for 11 years now. And virtually every night for the last 11 years the security guard, Sunny, has been sitting at the concierge desk welcoming me home. We were never close—whatever that means—but every night for 11 years we talked about the weather. I liked it. Oh sure, some nights I wished that he wasn't there so that i didn't have to make small talk about the weather but really, I liked that we talked about the weather. Every night. Day in. Day out. For 11 years. We talked about the weather. Sometimes we talked about other things. But mostly we talked about the weather. It was comfortable. It was predictable. It was safe. it was my routine. I'd leave work and the first person that I would talk to (and usually the last person I talked to for the day) was Sunny. He rarely took a day off. He was there almost every day of the year.
"Beautiful day today wasn't it."
"Hope it doesn't snow."
"Glad i brought my umbrella today."
Virtually every day, for 11 years.
Then a couple of weeks ago there were a couple of break-ins in the building. Then his shift got moved to 11:00 p.m. Then last night I got a notice that a new security company has been hired. Then it hit me: I could quite probably never again see him. My nightly ritual for 11 years was broken. I don't know if he was fired. i don't know if he quit. I don't know if he is still working. I simply don't know. All I know for certain is that when I walk through the front door of the building after work, I no longer have someone to talk to.
In the grand scheme of things this is not a big deal. But to me. To me it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me.
I am sad. I am angry. I am distraught. My routine is broken. Some consistency in my life was taken away from me. i liked Sunny, he was one of the nice ones. I miss him. And what I'll miss most of all is having someone to talk to about the weather.
"Cold today, isn't it."