So in a short period of time I will be leaving for a well deserved vacation.
Before I leave I need to accomplish a lot of work and I need to make a major decision. The work part is the easy bit. I can work for 12 hours a day without batting an eye.
Making major decisions is the hard part for me. I've always struggled with putting myself first. Some of my earliest memories are of making decisions. Decisions that invariably effected someone else. I remember in high school having to choose between doing the lighting for the school play or competing in the Computer Science Fair. Both teachers wanted me to do the thing for them. I couldn't do both. One of them would be pissed off. I made the decision. One of them was pissed off.
Deciding to go for vacation is an easy choice. Though it will upset people that I'm not available, the recharging is invaluable to me. What I gain benefits all.
Other decisions are not so easy.
I guess that I'm sensitive to other peoples needs and I get upset when other people are not. There does come a time when the needs of the me outweigh the needs of the them. I just wish I knew sooner when that time was.
In this case I know what the decision must be. And I know that I will be better for it. But that does not make it any easier.
But as always I will make the decision with all available knowledge and try not to look back. Try. I find it hard not to.
By the way… I did the play's lighting.