Self Doubt
/I've been having great feelings of self doubt lately.
I have always been fairly self assured about certain things. For instance, I've always thought that I am a great "catch". I'm a genius with computers. I'm great at the work that I do. But for some reason, for the last couple of months, that has been fading.
Logically I completely know what's going on. Everyone keeps looking to me to be the leader, yet when I try to lead I'm kinda given the brush-off and I have no recourse.
Them: "What do you think we should do?"
Me: "I think we should do 'this'"
Them: "Great."
Then they go off and do "that" or nothing.
Me: "Why didn't you do 'this'?"
Them: silence.
So I end up thinking that either "this" was a bad idea and they didn't want to tell me or they don't understand what I'm trying to get across. I logically understand, that it has nothing to do with me as a person. I understand that I'm probably not communicating clearly what I mean. But it's the emotional side of me knows not about this logic.
If someone calls you "stupid" enough and you have a tendency to believe them. You know that you are smart, but the little voice inside your head says "well maybe they are right." Not that anyone is calling me stupid, it's just that if you ask for my opinion, I give it, and then you ignore it… over and over again… it's kinda amounts to the same thing.
So what's the answer? It comes back to the self doubt. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong and if I change something that will make it all better. Maybe I'm just coming down from being overworked. Maybe. Nothing has really changed at the office, so maybe I'm just not seeing things clearly. Or maybe I'm just beginning to see things more clearly. Who knows? You see the vicious logic circle that I'm in!
If there is one thing that I'm not in doubt about it is the fact that, as a person, I keep growing, learning, and getting better. Here's hoping I figure this self doubt all out… and soon.
